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Take Out The Trash

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Published: 28 October 2014
Hits: 2808

One night my wife asked me to take out the garbage.

I told her: "You cooked it, you take it out."

And that's when the fight started...

Golf Lessons

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 27 October 2014
Hits: 3892

A woman goes to the golf pro to take some lessons. Apparently she has a terrible drive and can't help slicing or hooking every shot. The pro watches her for a while then tells her: "Your problem is that you are gripping the club too tight. You need to grip the shaft it a little more gently. Try gripping the club just like you grip your husband at night under the sheets."

Bam. The next shot is straight down the fairway... but only about 15 yards.

The pro says: "Not bad... now... take the club out of your mouth and let's go for distance."

Adoption Laws

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 26 October 2014
Hits: 3046

Why can't lesbians adopt a child?

Because they don't serve minors to lickers.

On The Bus

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 25 October 2014
Hits: 3248

A punk rocker type boards a bus. He's wearing a leather vest and pants, studded collar and cuffs, and he's sporting an 8" mohawk hairdo in a rainbow of colors.

An old guy just stares at him. Finally the punk looks over at the old guy and says: "What'sa matter old man. Didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"

The old guy looks back and says: "Yeah... I fucked a parrot one time. Thought you might be my kid."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Do What Mama Says

His date warned him: "My mama made me promise I'd say 'NO' to all your advances."

He says: "Sure, no problem. You wouldn't mind if I fucked you in the ass, would ya?"

You're On The Clock

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times. In moments of temptation ask yourself just one question: Is 15 minutes of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"

One young girl in the back of the room rose and asked: "Excuse me, but how do you make it last 15 minutes?"

Perfecta

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He says, "What was that for?"

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jesus, honey...remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."

She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with the frying pan again.

He says, "What was that for?" She says, "Your horse called."

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