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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

It's Gonna Be One or the Other

Hits: 2422

An old couple's sitting in the living room. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Let's go upstairs and fuck." He looks back and tells her, "I don't know if I can do both."

What's Your Number?

Hits: 2656

I just bought the latest sleep-number smart bed. It detects when you're screwing your wife, locks the front door and turns on the stereo so your neighbors can't hear you. My number is 69.

That's Gratitude

Hits: 2804

I spent 5 thousand bucks on a boob job for the wife and she was thrilled. So I go another 2 grand on her nose job and she's ecstatic.

But I spend 50 bucks on a blow job and she goes ballistic. Fucking women.

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Dog Lifestyle

The Dog's Rule Of Life: If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it.

big biG bIG BIG

One day the teacher walked up to the blackboard and she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.

The next day she walked into the room and again saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' on the blackboard. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she erased the board and proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, as arrived at class she found the same word written on the board, only each day's word was larger than the previous day's word.

Finally, one morning she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found: 'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!'

A Financial Discussion

I told my wife our credit cards were stolen, but I'm not reporting it.

She asked why not?

"Cause the thief spends less than you do."

And that's when the fight started...