Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Returning from a business trip a day early a guy tells his cab driver: "Cabbie, I think my wife's cheating on me. If I give you a hundred bucks, will you come in and be my witness?" The cabbie says, "Sure, pal."

It's after midnight when they enter the house. The husband grabs his gun from the front closet and he and the cabbie tip-toe up the stairs. The husband pushes the bedroom door open, flips on the light and pulls back the blanket. Sure enough he sees his wife and a stranger lying there totally naked.

The husband puts the gun to the naked guy's head when his wife screams: "Stop! Don't do it. I'll confess. I lied to you when I told you I had inherited some money. It was Larry who paid for that red Corvette I gave you. It was Larry who paid for your new bass boat as well, And it was Larry who paid for our country club membership. Larry even pays the monthly club dues and greens fees."

The husband lowers the gun and looks at the cabbie. "What would you do?" he asks.

The cabbie says, "I'd cover Larry's ass with that blanket before he catches cold."

My girlfriend thought I had a small penis.

I thought she was just shallow.

One day a horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow when the horse falls into a mudhole and begins sinking. He calls to the chicken to go get the farmer to pull him out. The chicken runs back to the farm but the farmer is nowhere to be seen. So thinking fast the chicken jumps in the farmer's Porsche and drives back to the mudhole. He ties a rope around the bumper then throws the other end to his friend, the horse. Driving the car forward he saves his friend from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again, only this time it's the chicken who falls into the mudhole. The chicken yells to the horse to go get the farmer for help. The horse says, "Wait a minute. I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretches himself over the width of the hole and says, "Grab my dick and hoist yourself up." And the chicken does excatly that and is able to pull himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks!

 

What did one whore's knee say to the other?

Nothing... they never met.