A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Take Out The Trash

Hits: 1991

One night my wife asked me to take out the garbage.

I told her: "You cooked it, you take it out."

And that's when the fight started...

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I Came All Over That Place

Last night, I finally realized a longtime fantasy... I came all over my girlfriend's face.

Man, was she pissed when she woke up.

No Need To Call The Police

It's Valentine's day! So ladies, don't you worry about getting me what you got me last year.

I have enough restraining orders already.

Ask And You Shall Receive

Every day a homeless drunk watches a guy stop and whisper to every chick that walks by. Sometimes the girl walks away a little confused. Sometimes the girl smiles, grabs the guy by the arm and they walk off to the motel across the street.

One day the homeless guy walks over and asks: "Hey buddy, what are you sayin' to those girls to get all that action?" The guy tells him: "I take the simple, direct approach. I first whisper 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' If the girl smiles and says sure, I know I've scored. But if she's offended I quickly repeat 'Particularly nasty weather' like she didn't hear me right and then just move on. Works every time!"

The drunk thinks what a great idea and decides to try it himself. Waiting on the corner he stumbles over to the first girl that walks by and shouts at her: "Shove a feather up your ass?" The girl looks totally shocked. So heeding his lesson he quickly covers by saying: "It's fucking raining."