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PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

You Don't Have To Be An Epidemiologist

Created: 10 May 2020
Hits: 1888

Question: Which is more vicious... Killer Bees or Asian Murder Hornets?

Answer: My ex-wife.

Out Of Warranty

Created: 10 April 2020
Hits: 1899

When her car conks out the old lady pushes it into a gas station. Soon the mechanic has it purring like a kitten.
The old gal asks: "What's up?"
He tells her: "Crap in the carburetor."
She says: "How often do I have to do that?"

Who's Your Daddy?

Created: 15 July 2019
Hits: 2244

Johnson took his latest invention, a computerized crystal ball, to his banker hoping to get a business loan. The banker was skeptical, so Johnson said to give it a try.

The banker typed "Where's my father?" and instantly the reply came back "Fishing in Michigan."

The banker said "I knew this thing wouldn't work. My father's been dead for twenty years."

Johnson begged him "No.wait. Try asking in a different way."

So the banker tried "Where's my mother's husband?"

And bang the answer came back: "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Back To Her Place

A guy takes his date back to her place. He gets her up to her bedroom where he sees a wall full of fluffy toys.

After he fucks her he asks her: "How was I?"

She says: "Take anything from the bottom shelf."

Who Doesn't Love A Younger Woman

What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?

A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

Sometimes You Just Gotta F*ck It

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus and says, "This is a very talented octopus. He can play any instrument in the world. I'll give five hundred bucks to anybody who has an instrument that the octopus can't play."

A guy walks up with a guitar, the octopus takes it, and starts playing like Jimi Hendrix. Another guy walks up with a trumpet, and the octopus plays it better than Dizzy Gillespie.

A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits it down, the octopus fumbles with it for a minute, and then he sets it down with a confused look. The guy says, "Hah! You can't play it?"

The octopus looks at him and says, "Play it? As soon as I get its pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it."

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