Every Frickin' Joke

Nude In Front Of The Mirror

: Category: And that's when the fight started...; Published: 12 October 2014; Hits: 3549

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw, so she said: "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I told her: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"

And that's when the fight started...

Flag At Half Staff

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 11 October 2014; Hits: 3048

What does it mean when they fly the flag at half staff at the post office.

They're hiring.

Asked About A Nun

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 10 October 2014; Hits: 3587

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

What's Cookin'

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 09 October 2014; Hits: 3416

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't cook... they eat out.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

These Boots Are Made For Walkin'

I always wanted a pair of real cowboy boots. So I found a pair on sale and wore them home. Walking in the kitchen I asked my wife: "Notice anything different about me?" She looked up and said: "Nope."

So I figured how to fix that. I went into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again I asked her: "Notice anything different now?" This time she slowly looked me up and down, then said: "What's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"

Now I was really mad so I told her: "You know why it's hanging down. 'Cause it's lookin' at my new boots!" Without missing a beat she said" "Then you shoulda bought a hat."

And that's when the fight started...

Top 10 Reasons Thanksgiving Dinner Is Better Than Sex

10. You're sure to get at least one of your favorite dishes.

9. The turkey never suffers from modesty.

8. You can nibble before dinner even if mom sees you.

7. You are expected to pass the dishes around.

6. There are always at least two kinds of desert, with or without whipped cream.

5. They give you the day off WITH pay to have dinner.

4. Thanksgiving dinner is a "sure" thing.

3. Seconds are encouraged. Take home, too!!

2. You're expected to fall asleep after dinner.

And the number 1 reason why Thanksgiving dinner is better than sex:

1. You are EXPECTED to watch football BEFORE and AFTER dinner.

Call The Coroner

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.