Every Frickin' Joke

Nude In Front Of The Mirror

: Category: And that's when the fight started...; Published: 12 October 2014; Hits: 3443

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw, so she said: "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I told her: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"

And that's when the fight started...

Flag At Half Staff

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 11 October 2014; Hits: 2970

What does it mean when they fly the flag at half staff at the post office.

They're hiring.

Asked About A Nun

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 10 October 2014; Hits: 3440

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

What's Cookin'

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 09 October 2014; Hits: 3300

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't cook... they eat out.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Do You Have Cats At Home?

What's white, smells, and is found in panties?

Clitty litter.

(Yes, in my old age my jokes just get worse and worse. Take it, or leave it!)

See If He Measures Up

Know when a man is well hung?

When you can barely slip a finger in between his neck & the noose.

Better Than A Gold Watch

It was the local mailman's last day on the job after 35 years delivering mail in the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the entire household who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift envelope full of cash. At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a collection of the best fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in skimpy lingerie. She took him by the hand, led him upstairs to the bedroom and proceeded to fuck his brains out. When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a gigantic breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him one last cup of coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the saucer. "All this was just too wonderful for words" he said. "But what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."