Every Frickin' Joke

Nude In Front Of The Mirror

: Category: And that's when the fight started...; Published: 12 October 2014; Hits: 3537

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw, so she said: "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I told her: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"

And that's when the fight started...

Flag At Half Staff

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 11 October 2014; Hits: 3040

What does it mean when they fly the flag at half staff at the post office.

They're hiring.

Asked About A Nun

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 10 October 2014; Hits: 3569

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

What's Cookin'

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 09 October 2014; Hits: 3405

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't cook... they eat out.

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Order in the Court

What do you call a judge with no balls?

Justice Prick

What's Better Than A Good Day Fishing

Jack and his buddies were hanging out, planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, Jack had to tell them that he couldn't make it because his wife wouldn't let him go. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Jack headed home frustrated and depressed.

The following week when all the guys arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Jack sitting in his camp chair next to a roaring campfire with a cold beer in his hand. "How did you talk your wife into letting you come?" the guys asked.

"I didn't have to," Jack replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I came home, grabbed a beer, and slumped down in the couch ready to drown my sorrows knowing I couldn't go fishing with you guys. Then the ol' lady snuck up behind me, covered my eyes and yelled, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back and spun around, there she was standing in front of me in a beautiful see through negligee. In a low voice she whispered, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' And so... here I am!"

Best Way To Impress

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.