A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Every Frickin' Joke

Her Life Matters

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Hits: 2756
Working in the garage this morning my wife barges in nagging about not showing her any respect. She demands I recognize her life has value too.
So I pick her up, give her a big hug and dump her in the recycle bin.
And that's when the fight started...

It's Gonna Be One or the Other

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2444

An old couple's sitting in the living room. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Let's go upstairs and fuck." He looks back and tells her, "I don't know if I can do both."

What's Your Number?

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2704

I just bought the latest sleep-number smart bed. It detects when you're screwing your wife, locks the front door and turns on the stereo so your neighbors can't hear you. My number is 69.

You Don't Have To Be An Epidemiologist

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2631

Question: Which is more vicious... Killer Bees or Asian Murder Hornets?

Answer: My ex-wife.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

A Good Choir Boy

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.

Who I'm Voting For

Many people have been asking who I'm voting for in the next election. My answer:

"To tell you the truth, I'm never voting again...Because voting is like marriage, no matter who you choose, it turns out bad."

The Bigger The Better

A guy gets a job as a salesman at a dildo store. First day a brunette walks in and asks: "How much for the black dildo?" He tells her: "$50 for the black one, $50 for the white one." She leaves without buying anything. Then a redhead walks in and asks him: "How much for the white dildo?" He replies" "$50 for the white one, $50 for the black one." She doesn't buy anything either.

Finally a blonde walks in and asks him" "How much for a dildo?" He answers: "$50 for a black one, $50 for a white one." Then she points and asks: "How much for the plaid one on the shelf behind you?" He says" "Oh that's a very special one, that's $250." She buys it.

At closing, the manager asks the guy: "So how much did you sell today?" The man tells him: "No dildos. But I did sell your old thermos for $250."