Every Frickin' Joke

Her Life Matters

: Category: And that's when the fight started...; Published: 05 October 2020; Hits: 2720

Working in the garage this morning my wife barges in nagging about not showing her any respect. She demands I recognize her life has value too.

So I pick her up, give her a big hug and dump her in the recycle bin.

And that's when the fight started...

It's Gonna Be One or the Other

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 28 August 2020; Hits: 2418

An old couple's sitting in the living room. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Let's go upstairs and fuck." He looks back and tells her, "I don't know if I can do both."

What's Your Number?

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 02 June 2020; Hits: 2652

I just bought the latest sleep-number smart bed. It detects when you're screwing your wife, locks the front door and turns on the stereo so your neighbors can't hear you. My number is 69.

You Don't Have To Be An Epidemiologist

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 10 May 2020; Hits: 2601

Question: Which is more vicious... Killer Bees or Asian Murder Hornets?

Answer: My ex-wife.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Really Paid Off!

A guy goes into a bank for a business loan.

The bank manager says, "What kind of business do you want to start?"

The guy says, "I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on pussy and it makes it taste like a peach."

The bank manager says, "I'm afraid we're not interested."

A few months later the guy walks into the bank pushing a wheel barrel full of money.

The bank manager says, "I see that idea for black powder really paid off."

The guy says, "Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder."

The bank manager says, "What does it do?"

The guy says, "Give me a peach and I'll show you."

Sort Of Like Christmas in July

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me?" "In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

"This is very interesting", replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you".

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions at all. The doctor then told her, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the first time and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that old geezer!" she replied, "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"

Divide and Conquer

1/3 of women not interested in sex. Me too. The 1/3 from the neck up...meh. From the tits down? I'm in.