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Every Frickin' Joke

Her Life Matters

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Hits: 2729
Working in the garage this morning my wife barges in nagging about not showing her any respect. She demands I recognize her life has value too.
So I pick her up, give her a big hug and dump her in the recycle bin.
And that's when the fight started...

It's Gonna Be One or the Other

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2424

An old couple's sitting in the living room. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Let's go upstairs and fuck." He looks back and tells her, "I don't know if I can do both."

What's Your Number?

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2660

I just bought the latest sleep-number smart bed. It detects when you're screwing your wife, locks the front door and turns on the stereo so your neighbors can't hear you. My number is 69.

You Don't Have To Be An Epidemiologist

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2610

Question: Which is more vicious... Killer Bees or Asian Murder Hornets?

Answer: My ex-wife.

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Which Class Did you Fail?

Two young boys at school were discussing their parents, when one realized he really knew very little about his mom. Arriving home that evening, he gave his mom the third degree.

"How old are you, mom?" he asked. "None of your business," replied his mother. "Okay, then how much do you weigh?" "That's not your business either, young man." The boy thinks a minute, then delivers his final bombshell. "Well then, tell me why you and dad got divorced?" Shocked... mom sends junior to bed without any supper.

The next day, the kid reports his failure to his schoolmate. "I have the solution!" says his buddy, "Just look at her driver's license in her purse. It'll tell you everything you want to know."

Later that day, mom finds her son going through her purse with her driver's license in his hand. "Just what do you think you are doing now?" she screams.

"Well, you wouldn't answer any of my questions yesterday," says the junior detective, "so my friend told me all the answers would be right here on your license. See, you're 40 years old... you weigh 145 pounds... and daddy divorced you 'cause you got an 'F' in Sex."

Something Magical

I was in bed with this chick last night. She turned to me and whispered in a low, sexy voice: "I want tonight to be magical"

So I fucked her and disappeared.

Sex Tape

My wife kinda had second thoughts about the first sex video I had talked her into making, so she said she wanted it back.

I said, "OK, but you'll have to pay twenty bucks, just like everybody else."

And that's when the fight started...