A couple went to a sex therapist to try and improve their sex live. After hearing the couple's complaints, the therapist suggested they experiment a little more. "For example," he suggested, "You might try different positions, like the wheelbarrow. You lift her legs, penetrate, and off you go."
The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home.
"Well, OK," the hesitant wife agreed, "But on two conditions. First if it hurts, you'll stop right away, and second," she insisted, "You must promise we won't go past my mother's."
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother, too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex, makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”
The little girl looks at mom and says, “Well, mommy you're really wasting your time.” The mother is confused so she asks, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl answers, “Because mommy, when you leave for work in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”
My wife was telling me all about this new transgender thing... you know, where guys turn themselves into women. I said to her: "Yeah. Well that ain't nothin' You know how to turn a fox into an elephant?"
