Pulled Over For A Reason
A cop pulls a guy over and gives him the breathalyzer test.
The cop is so shocked he says: "Jesus man... you are REALLY drunk."
The guy looks up and says; "Thank God. I thought my steering went out."
A cop pulls a guy over and gives him the breathalyzer test.
The cop is so shocked he says: "Jesus man... you are REALLY drunk."
The guy looks up and says; "Thank God. I thought my steering went out."
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the grocer and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper back then, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can’t hear a word you’re saying, but I remember the guy you’re talking about."
How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?
Put up a "Bingo" sign.
My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.
When I came back she asked what did I get. I told her I got drunk.
And that's when the fight started...