A punk rocker type boards a bus. He's wearing a leather vest and pants, studded collar and cuffs, and he's sporting an 8" mohawk hairdo in a rainbow of colors.
An old guy just stares at him. Finally the punk looks over at the old guy and says: "What'sa matter old man. Didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"
The old guy looks back and says: "Yeah... I fucked a parrot one time. Thought you might be my kid."
When do you know you've been married too long?
The only reason you go down on it is because it doesn't talk back.
I needed hearing aids, so I asked my doc for the latest technology. You know... the ones that connect directly to the 900 chat lines so I can listen "hands-free"... if you know what I mean.
My wife wanted to be a little playful, so she whispered: "Say dirty things to me!"
So I said: "Bathroom, kitchen, living room..."
And that's when the fight started...