A man approaches a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asks, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” the woman asks.
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste. Ewww...
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks." The other one said: "No they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued for a while. They were still arguing when the train hit them.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me up all night!"
And that's when the fight started...