Who Took My Pen!

A nurse walks in and says, "Doc, what are you doing?"

He says, "I'm writing a prescription."

She says, "But you're holding your thermometer."

He says, "Jesus Christ, some asshole has my pen."

What An UGLY Baby!

What sexual position should a woman use to make an ugly kid?

Ask your Mom.

Some Bad News

Cop at door "Looks like your wife's been hit by a bus"

"Yeah but she's a nice person & good with the kids"

Don't Blame Me

My wife was in labor with our first kid and she's cursing and screaming at me the whole time.

I told her: "Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to stick it in your ass but you said, 'No, that'll hurt.'"

And that's when the fight started...