A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Who I'm Voting For

Many people have been asking who I'm voting for in the next election. My answer:

"To tell you the truth, I'm never voting again...Because voting is like marriage, no matter who you choose, it turns out bad."

Don't Do It

You should never make jokes about vaginas...

Period.

Who Knows What?

What do you get when you cross a whore with a systems engineer?

A fuckin know-it-all!

Nude In Front Of The Mirror

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw, so she said: "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I told her: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Pizza Has Arrived, Finally

What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

All Sinners Must Come And Confess

What's the difference between sin and shame?

It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

One Morning On The Farm

One lazy morning a little farm boy is told to do his chores. He hates getting up early, so after he slops the hogs he angrily kicks one as he leaves. Then he feeds the chickens and kicks one on the way to the barn. Finally he milks the cow and before heading home he gives that cow one swift kick.

When he sits down at the breakfast table his mother says: "I've been watching you. You kicked the hog so no bacon for you. You kicked the chicken so no eggs for you. And you kicked the cow so no milk for you."

Just then his dad walks in from plowing the back forty and angrily kicks the cat out of the way. The little boy looks at his mom and says: "Should you tell him or should I."