A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Been A Long Time

I was thinking about when my girlfriend & I first met. I realized I've been going out with her for...

sex.

Sex Ed

Little Johnny was in sex ed class when the teacher began a discussion about genitals. Johnny shouted out, "My old man has got two of those"

The teacher was shocked and asked Johnny to explain.

"Well, the small one he uses when he takes a piss. And the large one he uses to brush the baby sitter's teeth."

Best Way To Impress

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.

Moaning And Groaning

My wife and I were basking in the afterglow of having sex when she asked: "Honey, why did God create orgasms?"

I said: "So women can moan even when they’re happy."

And that's when the fight started...

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One Night Stand

A man and a woman, who are both married to other people, arrive at a hotel at the same time. The clerk tells them there is only one room left... And after an awkward moment they both agree to share it. Although they feel weird at first, they both manage to fall asleep in their separate beds.

After a few hours of sleeping, the man wakes the woman up and asks her, "Could you grab me another blanket from the closet? I'm really cold."

The woman responds, "Or we could just pretend to be married for the night?"

The man replies, "That would be amazing."

The woman smiles and says, "Okay. Get your own fucking blanket!"

The Budget Has Not Been Met

Little Johnny asked his dad: "How much does it cost to get married?

His father replied: "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it!"

Who Wants To Be My Bitch?

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.

"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.

Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."