Liberals vs. Conservatives
What's the difference between a conservative and a liberal?
A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.
What's the difference between a conservative and a liberal?
A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.
A guy was talking to his buddy, "I learned a very important life lesson today. I'm getting married in a few weeks and I went over to my fiancee's house to look at the wedding invitations with her mom. Her mother's really sexy, and as we were looking at the invitations, she started rubbing my leg. Within a few minutes she leaned over and asked me if I'd take her upstairs and fuck her. I immediately got up and walked out the front door. On the way out I ran into her father. He smiled and told me 'You passed our little test, son. Glad to have you in the family.'"
"So what's the life lesson?" his friend asked.
"Always keep your rubbers in the glove box."
How does a redneck girl practice safe sex?
She locks the doors on her pickup truck.
My wife and I went to counseling to improve our marriage. While attending one session dealing with communication, the counselor instructed: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
Looking at me she said: "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
I looked over, touched my wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
And that's when the fight started...