Biology or Cooking Class

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.

Wife's Lament

One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch. The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend."

The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?"

Not That Kind Of Table

Just booked a table for me and the wife for Valentine's Day.

Hope the bitch knows how to play snooker.

Better Safe Than Sorry

I come home from work to find my wife in tears sobbing her mom passed away. She asks: "What should we do -- cremate her or bury her?"

I tell her: "Don't take any chances. Do both."

And that's when the fight started...