My wife and I were talking about what turns men and women on. I asked her: "Why do you think men like big tits and a tight ass?"
She said: "In your case because you’ve got a big mouth and a small dick."
And that's when the fight started...
It's a really hot day, and a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer to sit and eat his ice cream. An hour goes by when the penguin looks at his watch, jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, I was just eating ice cream."
How's an old lady's twat like Australia?
Everybody knows it's down there but nobody really gives a shit.
On our honeymoon night I asked my bride, "Honey... am I the first?"
She replied, "Why does everybody ask that?"
And that's when the fight started...