Gold Digger

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, showed up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocked everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hung over Bob's arm and listened intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they cornered him to ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replied, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

They are now even more knocked out. So now they ask 'How the hell did you persuade that fox to marry you?" "I lied about my age," Bob replied. "What, did you tell her you were only 50?"

Bob smiled and said, "No, I told her I was 90."

Depends on How You Like It

What's the difference between medium and rare?

6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Promise Kept

A woman at the Pearly Gates asks St. Peter, "Is my husband here? My name is Johnson." St. Peter says, "Well, that's not enough information."

​She says, "OK... his name is Dick Johnson and he told me that after he died, if I was ever unfaithful, he'd roll over in his grave."

​St. Peter says, "Oh .. you mean Pinwheel Johnson!"

A Farmer's Dilemma

A farmer and his wife were lying in bed after a little quickie. The farmer stroked his wife's bare breasts and said, "Y'know, honey, if these gave milk, we could sell the cow."

Sighing, his wife grabbed her husband's dick and said: "And if this stayed hard a little longer, we could fire the farmhand."

And that's when the fight started...