A Pop Quiz

Here's a math question. If you get into bed 9 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?

Answer: 8 hours, 57 minutes - who cares what she wants!

Something Magical

I was in bed with this chick last night. She turned to me and whispered in a low, sexy voice: "I want tonight to be magical"

So I fucked her and disappeared.

Cannibal Culinary Habits

Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?

They're too bitter.

At The Cattle Auction

My wife was amazed to read about a farmer who claimed he sold a cow with a pussy like a woman for $10,000.

I told her: "That's not amazing, that's irony. Here I am with you... a pussy like a cow, and you ain't worth shit."

And that's when the fight started...