A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

My Drug Dealer Sells The Best "Crack"

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Naughty Or Nice

Why is Santa Claus always so happy?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live

Good Riddance

Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and funeral procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed.

His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"

To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married for 40 years."

Home Cookin'

My wife asked: "How was dinner?"

I told her: "It was fit for a king! Here King.... here boy..."

And that's when the fight started...

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Which Class Did you Fail?

Two young boys at school were discussing their parents, when one realized he really knew very little about his mom. Arriving home that evening, he gave his mom the third degree.

"How old are you, mom?" he asked. "None of your business," replied his mother. "Okay, then how much do you weigh?" "That's not your business either, young man." The boy thinks a minute, then delivers his final bombshell. "Well then, tell me why you and dad got divorced?" Shocked... mom sends junior to bed without any supper.

The next day, the kid reports his failure to his schoolmate. "I have the solution!" says his buddy, "Just look at her driver's license in her purse. It'll tell you everything you want to know."

Later that day, mom finds her son going through her purse with her driver's license in his hand. "Just what do you think you are doing now?" she screams.

"Well, you wouldn't answer any of my questions yesterday," says the junior detective, "so my friend told me all the answers would be right here on your license. See, you're 40 years old... you weigh 145 pounds... and daddy divorced you 'cause you got an 'F' in Sex."

Why Is It St. Valentines Day?

It's called St. Valentine's Day because "St. Blowjob for Jewelry Day" just didn't have the same ring to it.

I'd Like To Point This Out

My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger around the house.

So I did - the middle one.

And that's when the fight started...