No Need To Call The Fire Department

When's it okay to spit in an Italian girl's face?

When her moustache is on fire.

You're Doing It All Wrong

Johnson's wife had been in a coma for four months. The nurses came to realise that she would move a little every time they washed her crotch area. Her doctor thought hard about this and asked Johnson to come to the hospital.

When he got there the doctor suggested perhaps if Johnson practiced oral sex with her she might wake out of the coma. Johnson said he would try anything and asked for some privacy.

Minutes later he came rushing out of the room shouting, "Doc, help, I think she's choking!"

How To Tell Them Apart

Wife walks into the kitchen and finds her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Hunting flies," he tells her.

"Oh, kill any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," was his reply. Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"

"Easy," he says. "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

Not Quite A Dozen Roses

My wife and I went to counseling to improve our marriage. While attending one session dealing with communication, the counselor instructed: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

Looking at me she said: "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

I looked over, touched my wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

And that's when the fight started...