From Down Under

A 40-year old woman never married because she only wanted a man who had never been with a woman sexually. And as you might imagine she searched for years but never could find one. So she finally tried one of those International dating sites and sure enough met a man who had lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. After a long-distance online courtship, they finally decided to marry.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare herself for the long awaited moment. When she walks back into the bedroom she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, totally naked, and he has all the furniture piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks.

"I’ve never been with a woman," he tells her. "But if it’s anything like fucking a kangaroo I’m gonna need all the room I can get!"

What's Your Favorite Drink Recipe?

If Gin makes you grin and Whiskey makes you frisky, what makes you pregnant?

Two highballs and a squirt.

No Advice Needed

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady walked up, saying: "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

Sharing is Caring

My wife was at the sink grousing about the dishes again. She asked me: "How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?"

I told her: "Both of them."

And that's when the fight started...