A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Do I Know You?

My wife asked me to guess what she wanted for her birthday.

So I said: "Your face from 10 years ago?"

And that's when the fight started...

Doesn't Always Take Two

What does a woman's asshole do when she has an orgasm?

He's probably home watching football or something.

Over My Dead Body

What would you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?

A widow.

Let's Just Pretend

A new bride was embarrassed to be on her honeymoon. When she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear as if they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the luggage!"

And that's when the fight started...

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A Matter of Timing

I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."

Perception Is Reality

My wife wanted  to convince me of the benefits of marriage. So she argued "You know married men live longer than single men."

I shot back: "That's not true, it only seems longer."

And that's when the fight started....

A Kosher Turkey

How is a Jewish woman like a Thanksgiving turkey?

Her husband only gets to stuff her once a year.