A Bum and A Rich Broad
A bum walks up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and says: "I haven't eaten anything in four days!"
She looks back at him and says: "God I wish I had your will power."
A bum walks up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and says: "I haven't eaten anything in four days!"
She looks back at him and says: "God I wish I had your will power."
A wife arrived home after a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a cute little hottie.
Just as she was about to storm out of the house in anger, her husband stopped her and begged to explain: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl. She was looking poor and tired, so I offered her a ride. She said she was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the fridge. Her shoes were worn out, so I offered her the pair you didn’t wear because you thought they went out of style. She was cold so I gave her that birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours, the ones you said didn’t fit anymore. Then as this poor young lady was about to leave, she paused at the door and asked me, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?'"
"And so, here we are!"
A plumber, an electrician, and an accountant walk into a strip club.
The electrician calls a blonde over, licks a ten-dollar bill and slaps it on her ass. Then the plumber licks a fifty-dollar bill and he too slaps it on her ass.
The accountant takes out his ATM card, swipes it in the crack of her ass, reaches over and grabs the sixty bucks.
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look way better at night than any jar of cold cream.
And that's when the fight started...