The Down Under

How's an old lady's twat like Australia?

Everybody knows it's down there but nobody really gives a shit.

Toss My Honeymoon Salad

What's the recipe for a Honeymoon Salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

You Get What You Pay For

A man goes to a $10 hooker and gets the crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

Brrrrrrrrrr

Last winter my wife and I were walking down the street when we passed a fancy department store window. She turned and asked me: "Sweetheart, why won't you buy me a fur coat? I'm so cold!"

I told her: "If you already knew the answer, why'd you bother asking?"

And that's when the fight started...