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Dick's Joke of the Day

Making Love

A married couple thought they were way too interested in sex, so they decided to make love only in the months that had an "R" in them. This worked OK until they hit May, June, and July.

Finally, the husband came home from work onr night and asked his wife, "What month is it?" 

She looked up at him and smiled, "Aurgust,"

Wife's Lament

One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch. The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend."

The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?"

The Latest Technology

I told my pal: "I got a brand new digital hearing aid, $10,000!" "What kind is it?" he asked.

"Six-thirty."

Just Drop It In

My wife stripped naked last night and stood on her head. I asked: "What the hell are you doing?"

She said: "Well... if you can't get it up again tonight, I thought maybe you could just drop it in!"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Unforgettable

Two women are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee. So they take a quick detour stop at a cemetery. Problem is they have nothing to wipe with. One decides to use her panties while the other grabs a nearby wreath.

The next day one of the husbands calls the other, "Those girls are are never going out again! My wife came home last night without any panties!"

His buddy replies, "You think that's bad? My wife came home with a card in her crack that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you!'"

Don't Say It

How come during sex it's OK to say, 'Who's your daddy?,' but it's not OK to say, 'I love you, mommy'?

At Least Take A Lunch Break

A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. "Would you maybe like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee?" He declines. "It’s this Viagra," he says, "It’s really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "It’s this Viagra," he says, "it’s really taken the edge off my appetite."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She tells hum "I’ll go to the store and buy you whatever you want. Maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe a pizza or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes?" And once again he declines. "It’s this Viagra," he says, "it’s really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I’m fuckin' starving."