A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

The Down Under

How's an old lady's twat like Australia?

Everybody knows it's down there but nobody really gives a shit.

Toss My Honeymoon Salad

What's the recipe for a Honeymoon Salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

You Get What You Pay For

A man goes to a $10 hooker and gets the crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

Brrrrrrrrrr

Last winter my wife and I were walking down the street when we passed a fancy department store window. She turned and asked me: "Sweetheart, why won't you buy me a fur coat? I'm so cold!"

I told her: "If you already knew the answer, why'd you bother asking?"

And that's when the fight started...

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Come Before the Judge

What do you get when you sleep with a judge?

An honorable discharge.

Notes From My Course In Business School

Here is all you need to know about marketing:

You spot a hot chick at a party. You go up to her and say, "I’m fantastic in bed." That’s called Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and you spot a hot chick. Have one of your buddies go up to her, point over to you and say, "He’s fantastic in bed." That’s called Advertising.

You spot a hot chick at a party. You get her phone number, call her up the next day and say, "Hi, I’m fantastic in bed." We'll call that Telemarketing.

You’re at a party when you spot a hot chick. You get up, straighten your tie, walk over to her and bring her a drink. You compliment her on how she's dressed. Be sure to open the door for her, pick up her purse if she drops it and even offer her a ride later. Then you say to her, "By the way, I’m fantastic in bed." You got it - Public Relations.

Finally, you’re at a party and spot a hot chick. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you’re fantastic in bed." Now that’s Brand Recognition.

It's A Boy -- And What A Boy!

"IT'S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY."

And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel again!