A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

What A Ride!

Two little old ladies were at the slots in Atlantic City. One asks: "So... did you come on the bus?"

Her friend replied: "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack."

Big Ben

Why were the two whores travelling in London pissed off?

Because they found out that Big Ben was a clock!

No Need To Call The Fire Department

When's it okay to spit in an Italian girl's face?

When her moustache is on fire.

After I'm Gone

I was talking to my wife about what might happen after I died. I told her: Promise me one thing... that 6 months after I die you'll marry Bernie." She said: "I thought you hated Bernie."

"I do"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Always Right

My wife was fishing for a compliment. So she asked me: "So, do you think you married Miss Right."

I said: "Yeah, I just didn't know your first name was 'Always.'"

And that's when the fight started...

Ask And You Shall Receive

Every day a homeless drunk watches a guy stop and whisper to every chick that walks by. Sometimes the girl walks away a little confused. Sometimes the girl smiles, grabs the guy by the arm and they walk off to the motel across the street.

One day the homeless guy walks over and asks: "Hey buddy, what are you sayin' to those girls to get all that action?" The guy tells him: "I take the simple, direct approach. I first whisper 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' If the girl smiles and says sure, I know I've scored. But if she's offended I quickly repeat 'Particularly nasty weather' like she didn't hear me right and then just move on. Works every time!"

The drunk thinks what a great idea and decides to try it himself. Waiting on the corner he stumbles over to the first girl that walks by and shouts at her: "Shove a feather up your ass?" The girl looks totally shocked. So heeding his lesson he quickly covers by saying: "It's fucking raining."

One Too Many

A guy is sitting at the bar and he's really drunk. His dick is out, he's a monstrous hard-on, and he's beating off like there's no tomorrow.

The bartender says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get outta here."

The guy says, "Are you kiddin'? No way I can leave. If I stood up I couldn't walk. In fact, I'm so drunk, I don't even know who I'm screwin'."