A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Best Way To Go

When I die, I want to go like my Grandfather...in his sleep.

Not screaming like the other passengers in his car.

Ring the Buzzer

What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?

The head nurse.

Until I Met A Guy Who Had No Feet...

A guy wakes up in the hospital: "Doc, I can't feel my legs!"

Doc: "That's because we amputated your arms."

Let's Just Pretend

A new bride was embarrassed to be on her honeymoon. When she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear as if they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the luggage!"

And that's when the fight started...

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How To Really Tie One On

A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry pal, we don't serve strings here."

So the string walks outside, ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back into the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Leaky Pipes

Old guy calls a plumber. "There's a leak over my kitchen table."

The plumber asks him "When did you first notice it?"

"After it took me two hours to finish my soup last night."

Soon Enough Young Man

Little Johnny in the bathtub points at his dick: "Mommy, is my brain in there?"

"Not yet, sweetie."