A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Single And Ready To Mingle

This is going to be the 1st Valentine's Day I was single in almost 10 years. I'm kind of excited...

I just hope the wife feels the same way when she finds out.

Wrong Answer

My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do.

Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

An Age Old Question

Your wife & your lawyer are drowning, so you have to choose. What do you do: go to lunch or catch a movie?

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said: 'Do you want to have sex?

"'No!" she answered. Then I said: "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, and just said: "Yes."

So I said: "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

After I'm Gone

I was talking to my wife about what might happen after I died. I told her: Promise me one thing... that 6 months after I die you'll marry Bernie." She said: "I thought you hated Bernie."

"I do"

And that's when the fight started...

What Did Your Momma Give You?

Why are black guys dicks bigger than white guys?

Because as kids white guys had toys to play with!

It's All In The Name

An inventor walks into the Patent Office office and says to the girl behind the desk, "I'd like to register my new invention, a folding bottle."

The clerk asks. "What do you call it?" He tells her, "I call it a fottle." She says, "That's kind of silly, but OK we can set you up."

He says, "Thanks, I'll work on the name. Hey, I also have a folding carton too."

She says, "Really? And what do you call that?" He says, "A farton."

She says in disgust, "That's totally offensive. You can't use that name."

He says, "Uh-oh! I guess I'll have to scratch the one I was going to use for my folding bucket."