A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

twitter facebook youtube 27330664 ml50x52

Dick's Joke of the Day

The Girls Do This All The Time

Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?"

"Well, at least you tried..."

And that's when the fight started...

Correct Dosage

Why shouldn't you cut suppositories in half?

They're supposed to be shoved up your ass whole.

Round Two

What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?

Shoot him again.

A Winning Idea

I asked my wife what she'd do if I won the lottery. She told me she'd take half and leave me.

So I told her: "Great! I won 10 bucks on a scratch-off this morning. Here's your five, now get the fuck out."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Too Fat

How can you tell if a chick is too fat to screw?

You pull her pants down and her ass is still in 'em.

And When You Die...

My wife and I were having our usual back and forth when I finally got frustrated and told her: "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever"

"Yeah?" she replied. " Well, when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

And that's when the fight started...

Things Aren't Always What They Appear To Be

The 10th grade biology teacher asked Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?" Jessica responded: "I'm too embarrassed to answer!"

So the teacher asked Little Johnny who quickly said: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye." "That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"

And then turning back to Jessica, the teacher said: "I have three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"