A baby polar bear goes to his mama and asks: "Am I a real polar bear?"
His mama assures him: "Of course you are. You're my son and we live in the north pole."
Then the baby bear goes to his father and asks: "Dad, am I a real polar bear?"
His dad tells him: "Yes you are son. You have big paws and you're white just like me. Why do you ask?"
"Cause I'm fuckin' freezing."
An old couple goes to the doctor. The man says, "We want to know if we're makin' love properly. Will you watch us?"
The doctor says, "Go ahead." So they go to it.
The doctor says, "Looks good to me... That'll be forty dollars."
They go back six weeks in a row and do the same thing each time.
On the seventh week the doctor says, "Why do you keep coming back? I told you, you're making love perfectly."
The old guy says, "Well, she can't come to my house, and I can't go to her's...a motel is fifty bucks...you only charge us forty and we get back thirty-five back from Medicare."
When her car conks out the old lady pushes it into a gas station. Soon the mechanic has it purring like a kitten.
The old gal asks: "What's up?"
He tells her: "Crap in the carburetor."
She says: "How often do I have to do that?"
One night while I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep my wife asked me a real stupid question: "Honey, why do you think god gave men a dick?"
I opened one eye and told her: "So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!"
And that;s when the fight started...