A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Salad

What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden?

Seizure Salad.

That Big? Really?

My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.

Keep On Dreaming This Thanksgiving

What's a Turkeys favorite song?

"I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"

Sharing is Caring

My wife was at the sink grousing about the dishes again. She asked me: "How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?"

I told her: "Both of them."

And that's when the fight started...

 

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Who Failed This Test

A woman wanted to see how her husband would react if she left him unexpectedly. So she writes him a note saying she is tired of him and doesn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the note, she puts it on the night stand in the bedroom and then climbs under the bed to hide until her husband gets home.

When he gets home that night, he sees the note on the night stand. After a few moments of silence, he picks up the pen and adds something at the bottom. Then he starts to get changed, whistling and singing and dancing around the room. He grabs his phone and dials a number. His wife listens from under the bed as he starts chatting away. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes. I'll see you in a bit. As for the old bag, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around and she split. Good riddance! I was wrong to have married her in the first place. I just wish you and me had met sooner. See you soon, honey!" Then he hangs up and walks out of the room.

In tears and very upset, the wife climbs out from under the bed and stumbles over to read what her unfaithful husband had written at the end of her note. Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot! I am going out to pick up some beer."

Password Must Be At Least 8 Characters Long

A man and his wife are setting up the password on their new computer. The man trying to be clever types in "MyPenis", the computer denies it.

His wife says, "I told you it wasn't long enough!"

And that's when the fight started...

It Takes Two

I asked my wife what she thought my two greatest assets were?

She said: "A closed mouth and an open wallet."

And that's when the fight started...