Turned That List Into a Rap Sheet

Why did Santa get arrested?

He got caught laying Barbie under the Christmas tree!

How To Score

A guy takes a girl out to dinner for their 1st date. She orders shrimp cocktail, filet mignon - medium rare, a loaded baked potato, the vegetable medley, and crème brulee' for desert. Then before the waiter leaves she adds a bottle of expensive wine.

The guy looks at her and says, "Does your mother feed you like that?"

She says, "No... but my mother's not looking to fuck me."

Can You Give A Date To This?

How do you confuse a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

Tough Times Call For One Thing...

My wife was concerned that we weren't managing the household well in tough financial times. So she asked me to take some action and plan for the future.

No problem I told her. I ran out and came home with 2 cases of beer instead of one.

And that's when the fight started...