We Love Our First Responders

A fire chief just got married. On their honeymoon he informed his new wife that their home would be run like a firehouse... they would have sex on the bell system.

He proceeded to explain that One Bell meant take your clothes off... Two Bells meant get into bed... and Three Bells meant start fooling around.

The chief came home from work one evening and decided to try out his system. First he hollered ‘One Bell’ and his wife took off her clothes. Then he hollered ‘Two Bells’ and she got into bed. Finally he hollered ‘Three Bells’ and they started fooling around like crazy.

A few minutes later the wife yells "Four Bells." "Four Bells?" the chief asks, "What the hell is Four Bells?"

"Let out more hose, You're nowhere near the fire!"

I Love Bird Watching

What species of bird is known to give the best head?

The swallow!

Too Big For Her Age?

A brunette, a blonde & a redhead are all in 5th grade. Who has the biggest tits?

The blonde... she's 18!

Who's Counting

My wife was angry. She said: "It's unfair! A guy can screw a different girl every week and he's considered a stud. But if a girl screws even two guys in a year she's called a slut."

So I man-splained it to her: "Think of it this way. If a key opens lots of locks it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys... well... it's a shitty lock."

And that's when the fight started...