Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and funeral procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed.
His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married for 40 years."
I love dating manicurists and hair stylists.
One does hand jobs, the other does blow jobs!
What's a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A beer in each hand.
I was reminiscing with my wife about when we first got married, So I gave her a little nudge and asked: "Honey... what was the hardest thing for you on our honeymoon?"
She smiled at me and said: "Saying ouch like I meant it."
And that's when the fight started...