This Could Come In Handy

A guy's in his car with a girl and says, "How about a hand job?"

She says, "What do I have to do?"

He says, "Remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it? Just do that."

She grabs it and does it. A few minutes later, he starts screaming. She says, "What's wrong?"

He says, "Take your fucking thumb off the end."

It's Kind Of Like Dollar Pizza

How's pussy like pizza?

The worst you'll ever have won't be all that bad.

Most Men Talk A Lot Of Sh*t!

Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

It helps them remember which end to wipe...

Not the Same Old Routine

My wife wanted to be a little playful, so she whispered: "Say dirty things to me!"

So I said: "Bathroom, kitchen, living room..."

And that's when the fight started...