A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Pizza Has Arrived, Finally

What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

New Business

Here at Dick Joke of the Day we are thinking about selling our own brand of T-Shirts.

They'll read: "LIFE'S A DICK. WHEN IT GETS HARD, FUCK IT!"

Bachelor Lifestyle

What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?

Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

At The Cattle Auction

My wife was amazed to read about a farmer who claimed he sold a cow with a pussy like a woman for $10,000.

I told her: "That's not amazing, that's irony. Here I am with you... a pussy like a cow, and you ain't worth shit."

And that's when the fight started...

 

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Rest In Peace

Why were there only two pallbearers at the homeless guy's funeral?

There are only two handles on a garbage can.

A Guy At The Bar

A guy at the bar orders two drinks. He downs one, then pours the other on his left hand.

The bartender asks: "Hey mister... what're you doin'?" "

"Getting my date drunk."

Best Bar In Town

Three guys are in a bar discussing which joint in town has the best deal on drinks.

The first guy boasts, "There's a bar on the South Side where the bartender will set up a free drink for every one you buy."

The next guy says, "That's nothing! Over on the West Side there's a bar where the bartender will pour you a double shot free for every one you buy."

The last guy is totally unimpressed and says, "That's nothing. There's a place somewhere on the North Side where the owner buys you drinks all night. Then when the bar closes, he takes you into a back room with a cot makes love to you all night."

The first two guys are shocked but a little skeptical, so they ask if he's actually been there. "Nope," the guys says, "But my sister told me all about it."