Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200 Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

When's it okay to spit in an Italian girl's face?

When her moustache is on fire.

How do they say "fuck you" in Hollywood?

Trust me.

What'd the blonde say when she saw a guy walking two dogs?

"He must be really blind."

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What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?

Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."

The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."

"I know how to fuck him, mom," the daughter interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna."

I told my buddy: "I got caught jerking off to a National Geographic magazine."

Asks: "Were you embarrassed?"

"No, but my dentist's receptionist was."

No Need To Call The Fire Department