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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Old Guy Visits the Doctor

Hits: 3904

Old guy says: "Doc, every morning at 7 I take a healthy piss, and then at 8 I take a big shit."

"So... what's the problem?"

"I don't get up until 9."

Cop Pulls A Guy Over

Hits: 3940

A cop pulls a guy over and says, "Hey pal... did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"

"Thank God... I thought I went deaf."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

More Meat Please

A guy from America asked the gal from Sweden to dance at the college fraternity party. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call that a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too."

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call that a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."

Towards the end of the night, and a whole lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her. While he's pumping away he leans over and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich".

She says, "Yaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too. Only we usually put more meat in it."

Baby Polar Bear

A baby polar bear goes to his mama and asks: "Am I a real polar bear?"

His mama assures him: "Of course you are. You're my son and we live in the north pole."

Then the baby bear goes to his father and asks: "Dad, am I a real polar bear?"

His dad tells him: "Yes you are son. You have big paws and you're white just like me. Why do you ask?"

"Cause I'm fuckin' freezing."

How To Score

A guy takes a girl out to dinner for their 1st date. She orders shrimp cocktail, filet mignon - medium rare, a loaded baked potato, the vegetable medley, and crème brulee' for desert. Then before the waiter leaves she adds a bottle of expensive wine.

The guy looks at her and says, "Does your mother feed you like that?"

She says, "No... but my mother's not looking to fuck me."