Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

A woman is checking out in the grocery line. She places one apple, a small ready-made salad, a frozen dinner, and a pint of ice cream on the conveyor.

The guy ringing everything up smiles at her and says: "I'll bet your single." The woman looks back and asks: "How did you know, by my choice of food?."

The guy replies: "No, 'cause you're ugly."

A cop pulls a guy over one night for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer. "I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

"OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

"Alright, we'll take a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."

"Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."