When's it okay to spit in an Italian girl's face?
When her moustache is on fire.
I just joined a brand new 13-step treatment program. I'm still on step 1 - becoming an alcoholic.
A blind guy in Macy's has his seeing-eye dog by the tail and is twirling it over his head.
A salesman walks up and asks: "Can I help you?"
The blind guy replies: "Nah. I'm just looking around."
At a party the other night I was asked how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently "In HD" was not the best answer.
