A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Liberals vs. Conservatives

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What's the difference between a conservative and a liberal?

A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

Flying Dogs

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Why don't blind people skydive?

It scares the shit out of their dogs!

Please, Tell Me What You Really Think

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A woman is checking out in the grocery line. She places one apple, a small ready-made salad, a frozen dinner, and a pint of ice cream on the conveyor.

The guy ringing everything up smiles at her and says: "I'll bet your single." The woman looks back and asks: "How did you know, by my choice of food?."

The guy replies: "No, 'cause you're ugly."

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I Got More Important Things To Do

Joe gets a ticket to the Super Bowl from his company, but when he gets there, the seat is in the last row way back in the corner of the stadium.

Halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat ten rows off the field, right on the fifty-yard line. He decides to take a chance, and makes his way around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sits down, Joe says to the guy sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anybody sitting here?"

The guy says, "No."

Joe says, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not use it?"

The guy says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't seen together since we got married in 1967."

Joe says, "That's really sad. But couldn't you find anyone to take the seat? A friend, or a close relative?"

The guy says, "No, they're all at the funeral."

Women Are A Mystery

Why can't a woman ever be satisfied?

Because no man has a dick made out of chocolate that shoots money.

Ahhh... The Things That Lovers Text To Each Other

Girl texts: "If you're sleeping, send your dreams ... if you're laughing, send your smile."

Boyfriend texts back: "Taking a shit... Please advise."