A guy goes into a drug store to buy some condoms. The girl behind the counter asks, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up one finger and asks, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and asks, “That big?” He says, “Smaller.” She holds up two fingers and he says, “Yeah, that’s it.”
She sticks the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The bartender looks at him and says: "Hey matey, do you know you have a steering wheel attached to your dick?"
The pirate replies: "Arrrgh... and it's driving me nuts!"