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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

More Reliable Than A Pulse

Hits: 2758

How do you know if your wife's dead?

You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.

Ten Items or Less

Hits: 2914

Gal to cashier: "I'm in a hurry, can you please check me out?"

Clerk looks her up & down: "Nice tits, babe!"

In This Corner

Hits: 2516

What's it called when a WWE wrestler ties his opponent's dick in a knot?

A Willie Nelson.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Against The Code Of Ethics

A woman is in her doctor's office, when she suddenly shouts out, "Doctor, kiss me". The Doctor looks at her and says that it would be against his code of ethics to kiss her.

About 20 minutes later the woman again shouts out "Doctor, please, kiss me just once". Again he refuses, apologetically, but says that as a doctor he simply cannot kiss her.

Finally another 15 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with the doctor, "Doctor, Doctor, please kiss me just once!!"

"Look" he says, "I'm sorry. I just CANNOT kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be screwing you either."

Professional Opinion

Guy visits the doctor and tells him, "Doc, I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." The doctor tells him, "Bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day, the guy comes back with his wife. The doctor tells her, "Please take off all of your clothes and lie down on the table." After she's lying there naked, the doctor walks around the table a few times, looking her up and down and all around.

Finally he pulls the guy aside and assures him, "You're fine. She don't give me a hard-on, either."

Rub-A-Dub-Dub

The other night I was having sex with my wife when my cell phone rang. I answered it and said: "Can I call you back? I'm in the tub."

And that's when the fight started...