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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

More Reliable Than A Pulse

Hits: 2862

How do you know if your wife's dead?

You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.

Ten Items or Less

Hits: 3000

Gal to cashier: "I'm in a hurry, can you please check me out?"

Clerk looks her up & down: "Nice tits, babe!"

In This Corner

Hits: 2633

What's it called when a WWE wrestler ties his opponent's dick in a knot?

A Willie Nelson.

Page 10 of 180

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This Should Cure Him

A lady takes her husband to the doctor's office.

After his check-up, the doctor calls her into his office and says, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, which, combined with stress, will kill him in a few months. What you have to do is, each morning, fix him a nice breakfast, and be pleasant. Make him a nice lunch to take to work, and for dinner, make meals for him you know he'll enjoy. Don't give him too much to do around the house, especially after he's had a hard day. And don't burden him with too many of your problems, because that'll only increase his stress. And most importantly, make love to him a couple of times a week, and try to give him oral sex once a month or so. If you can do this for the next ten months, I think your husband could regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband says, "What did the doctor say?"

She says, "He said you're gonna die."

Another Lawyer... Joke

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?

Another lawyer.

Yeah... It Was Her Fault

A woman's in labor. She's got her feet up in the stirrups, screaming in pain and cursing her husband.

He turns and says, "Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to stick it in your ass, but you said, 'No, that'll hurt.' "