A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

More Reliable Than A Pulse

Hits: 2920

How do you know if your wife's dead?

You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.

Ten Items or Less

Hits: 3056

Gal to cashier: "I'm in a hurry, can you please check me out?"

Clerk looks her up & down: "Nice tits, babe!"

In This Corner

Hits: 2693

What's it called when a WWE wrestler ties his opponent's dick in a knot?

A Willie Nelson.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

I'll Never Forget What's Her Name

A guy visiting his old friend for dinner one evening was very impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married nearly 50 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, the guest leaned over to his host and commented: "I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head and sighed: "I have to tell you the truth. Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared shit to ask the old bitch what it is..."

And The Moral of the Story Is...

One day the teacher asked the class to think of a story that has a moral that the class could learn something from. Little Suzy raised her hand to go first. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs in a basket, then put it in the back of the truck to drive to town and sell. One Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and landed on the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

Next up was Little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, but he could only grab a case of beer, a machine gun and his survival knife. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. He end up landing right in the middle of 100 enemy soldiers. So he pulled out his machine gun and managed to shoot 60 of them until he ran out of ammo! Then he pulled out his survival knife and killed 30 more. But the blade snapped off, so he had to kill the last ten with his bare hands."

The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Little Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

And yet another Bingo!

What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?

Bingo