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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

More Reliable Than A Pulse

Hits: 2857

How do you know if your wife's dead?

You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.

Ten Items or Less

Hits: 2995

Gal to cashier: "I'm in a hurry, can you please check me out?"

Clerk looks her up & down: "Nice tits, babe!"

In This Corner

Hits: 2626

What's it called when a WWE wrestler ties his opponent's dick in a knot?

A Willie Nelson.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Love That New iWatch errr Apple Watch

A Marine fighter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks down at his new Apple Watch. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art Apple Watch, and I was just testing it.”

Intrigued, the woman inquires, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?” The pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

Now she's really interested, so she says, “What’s it telling you now?” "Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.” The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

The fighter pilot looks down again, taps his watch a couple of times then smiles and says, “Darnn! This thing’s an hour fast.” And that, my friends...Is confidence!

Just Like Your Father

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Creative Writing Class

College professor to her creative writing class, "Your assignment - write the shortest story you can that includes religion, sex and mystery."

Only one girl got an A on her paper. She wrote: "Good God, I'm pregnant ... I wonder who did it?"