More Reliable Than A Pulse

How do you know if your wife's dead?

You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.

What'd the blonde say when she saw a guy walking two dogs?

"He must be really blind."

Why doesn't Chelsea have any brothers and sisters?

Monica swallowed them.

My wife asked me to get her a watch for her birthday.

I told her, "What for...there's a clock on the stove!"

And that's when the fight started...