More Reliable Than A Pulse

How do you know if your wife's dead?

You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What about a deer with no eyes & no legs?

Still no idea.

And a deer with no eyes, no legs & no dick?

Still no fuckin' idea.

What's the definition of a lady?

Someone who doesn't drink or smoke, and the only time she curses is when your dick slips out.

What does a Polish girl get on her wedding night that is long and hard?

A new last name.