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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Advice From Dick

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Good advice from old Dick Johnson: You gotta stick it out if your're gonna start young!

Not Quite A Sonnet

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Definition of love: Your heart melts and comes squirting out the end of your dick.

It's About Time

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20 years the wife finally gives him a blowjob.
 
Phone rings he picks it up says: It's for you, cocksucker.

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Should Have Written A Pre-Nup

Husband: "What would you like for your anniversary, Sylvia?"

Wife: "A divorce, Bernie."

Husband: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

And that's when the fight started...

Add That To The List

A cop pulls a guy over. He tells him: "You've got expired plates, your inspection is overdue, you're not wearing a seatbelt and you've got an open can of beer in your hand!"

The guy says: "I'll see you tomorrow then." The cop shoots back: "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

The guy snaps: "Hang on a minute pal, I'm on the phone here."

Try This Pickup Line

Old Dick is always willing to help a guy score with a great pickup line. Here's one you can try:

"I'd like to point out that 'beautiful' has 'u' in it. But, 'quickie' has u & i together."

You're welcome.