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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Category: Dick Jokes
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A guy is just miserable.  So he decides to cheer himself up and get a pet. At the pet store the owner takes him in to the back and shows him a toothless hamster.

The guy looks at it and says: "That's the ugliest thing I ever saw."

The store owner says: "Maybe so, but it will give you the best blowjob you ever had."

So the guy tries it and it's fantastic. He buys the hamster and heads home.

When he gets there his wife sees the ugly little creature and says: "What the hell is that?"

The guy says: "Never mind. Just teach it to cook and then get the fuck out."

Category: Dick Jokes
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I was in bed with this chick last night. She turned to me and whispered in a low, sexy voice: "I want tonight to be magical"

So I fucked her and disappeared.

Category: Dick Jokes
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A wife went on a retreat for work. When she returned home, she found a pair of panties in her dresser that did not belong to her. Furious, she questioned her husband. The husband said, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry!" So, the wife went to the maid and questioned her.

Indignant, the maid replied, "Madam, how should I know? These panties don't belong to me. I don't even wear panties... just ask your husband!"

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

I thought girls never fart, or poop!

My wife and I were talking about the differences between little boys and little girls. I asked her: "Why don't little girls fart like little boys do?"

She answered: "Because they don't get assholes until they're married."

And that's when the fight started...

Female Erection

What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?

A lesbian with a hard-on.

Gone Fishin'

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a Torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my idiot husband Is out fishing in that?"

And that's when the fight started...