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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Take the Plea

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Judge Calloway's court docket was too full.
 
So he knocked the sodomy charge down to "following too close."

Take A Walk On The Boardwalk

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My wife cheats when we play board games. Last night I'm playing Monopoly with the kids and she was in the garage bangin' the landscaper.

Musings From George Burns

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1st you forget names, then faces. Next it's pulling your zipper up, And finally you forget to pull it down.

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My Name Is Mud

A big, fat farmer is walking down a dirt road in the rain with his big, fat wife when he suddenly gets horny. He pulls his wife down to the ground, lifts up her dress, and starts fucking her.

After a minute, he says, "Elsie, is it in you, or is it in the mud?" She says, "It's in the mud."

He reaches down, and fiddles around a bit. Then he says, "Now is it in you, or is it in the mud?" She says, "It's in me."

He says, "Put it back in the mud."

You Make The Call

Man talks dirty to a woman? That's sexual harassment.

Woman talks dirty to a man? That's $1.99 a minute.

What's Better Than A Good Day Fishing

Jack and his buddies were hanging out, planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, Jack had to tell them that he couldn't make it because his wife wouldn't let him go. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Jack headed home frustrated and depressed.

The following week when all the guys arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Jack sitting in his camp chair next to a roaring campfire with a cold beer in his hand. "How did you talk your wife into letting you come?" the guys asked.

"I didn't have to," Jack replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I came home, grabbed a beer,  and slumped down in the couch ready to drown my sorrows knowing I couldn't go fishing with you guys. Then the ol' lady snuck up behind me, covered my eyes and yelled, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back and spun around, there she was standing in front of me in a beautiful see through negligee. In a low voice she whispered, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' And so... here I am!"