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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

You Know You've Done It

Hits: 1967

Women are like parking spots. With all the good ones taken & nobody looking, you stick it in a disabled one.

Correct Dosage

Hits: 3223

Why shouldn't you cut suppositories in half?

They're supposed to be shoved up your ass whole.

No Tricks Here

Hits: 2047

What's a sure-fire way to give a woman an orgasm?

Who cares?

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Not A Lifesaver

A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel all types of objects, smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of candy lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine.

"Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped. "I’ll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It’s something your Mommy probably calls your Daddy all the time."

Instantly, Little Johnny spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit ’em out, you guys, they’re assholes!"

Best Friends Forever

Difference between a friend & a real friend?

A friend helps you move. A real friend helps you move a body.

Why Santa Doesn't Have Children

Why doesn't Santa have any children?

Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.