A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Location, Location, Location

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Teenage daughter after a movie: "Had to change my seat 3 times."

Mom: "Did someone harass you?"

"Finally!"

Won't Be A Starving Artist Much Longer

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Gallery owner: "Guy came in bought all your paintings."

Artist: "Great."

"Not really, he was your doctor."

More Than One Way To Please

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The masochist begs: "Beat me, beat me."

The sadist smiles and says: "Nooooo!"

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Do What Mama Told You

Guy's making out with his girlfriend. Things start to get hot and heavy so he puts his hand under her skirt.

His girlfriend tells him: "You can't do that. My mother made me promise never to let a man put his hand under my skirt. But if you put your hand down my back, it'll be the second hole you come to."

How Much Land Do You Own?

Three Texans are sitting on a bench together. One named Smith, one named Johnson, and the other one named Goldberg. Smith begins to brag about how much land he has, "500 acres with 1000 head of cattle I call it 'Smith Acres'"

Johnson says, "Yeah, not bad, but I have 1000 acres and 2000 head of cattle, I call it 'Johnson Estates'". Both Smith and Johnson look over at Goldberg and say, "So, how much land do you have?"

Goldberg says, "Well, I only have 75 acres." "75 acres!?!" they reply, "that's all? What that's called?"

Goldberg responds, "Downtown Houston".

The Special Key

Three girls died and went before the pearly gates where St. Peter and his angel stopped them. St. Peter said: "Before entering heaven you must answer a simple question - have you been a good girl?"

The first girl replied: "Oh yes. I was a virgin before I got married and was still a virgin even after I got married." "Very good", said St.Peter, "Angel, give this girl... the golden key"

The second girl answered: "Oh, quite good. I was a virgin before I got married but not after." "Also very good", said St.Peter, "Angel, for this girl give her the silver key"

Finally St. Peter turns to the third girl and asks: "Have you been a good girl?" She answered: "Oh no, not at all. I practically screwed every guy I met, before, and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime, any position.

"Hmmm... I see", said St.Peter, "Angel, give this girl my room key!"