Won't Be A Starving Artist Much Longer

Gallery owner: "Guy came in bought all your paintings."

Artist: "Great."

"Not really, he was your doctor."

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.

My wife suggested: "Let’s go out and have some fun tonight!"

So I told her: "Sure... but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on."

And that's when the fight started...

You know why you should never drink diet soda during oral sex?

Because that way you'll have two after-tastes to get rid of.