Teenage daughter after a movie: "Had to change my seat 3 times."
Mom: "Did someone harass you?"
"Finally!"
How is Santa Claus like a smart blonde?
They both don't exist!
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
They're too bitter.
Husband says to his wife, "Here's 2 aspirin & a glass of water for your headache."
"I don't have a headache." His wife tells him
"Good. Now strip. We're fucking."