Teenage daughter after a movie: "Had to change my seat 3 times."
Mom: "Did someone harass you?"
"Finally!"
My girlfriend thought I had a small penis.
I thought she was just shallow.
I just joined a brand new 13-step treatment program. I'm still on step 1 - becoming an alcoholic.
A little boy asks his dad: "What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?"
So his father takes him up to the bedroom where mom is sleeping. "Look at this," he says as he lifts the covers carefully. "That's a pussy son."
"It's wonderful dad, can I touch it?"
"No!" says Dad. "If you touch the pussy you'll wake the cunt up!"