A married couple is remodeling their home and getting new doors so the husband asks his wife to go get hinges. She goes to the hardware store, picks out the hinges, and pays for them. As she is leaving the clerk realizes that she didn't get a screw for the hinge and says "Hey! Do you want a screw for that hinge?"
She looks at him and says "No..,. but I'll blow you for a microwave"
Mark and Alex are hanging out at home one cold winter day. Alex asks his friend "It's fuckin' freezin' in here. Can you go upstairs and get me my fuckin' slippers?"
So Alex goes upstairs to get the slippers and he comes across Mark's hot 21-year-old twin sisters. He tells them, "Your brother just sent me up her to have sex with both of you."
One of the sisters replies, "Yeah. Prove it!"
So Alex yells downstairs, "Hey Mark! Both of them?!"
Mark yells back, "Of course! What's the point of fuckin' one?!"