Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200 Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

2 reasons I know I'm getting old. My memory's not as sharp as it once was & my memory's not so good anymore.

A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots & starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

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I took my wife to a restaurant, and the waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah" I told him, "she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started...

What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

Homeless.

What is the main difference between the first and second honeymoon?

On the second honeymoon, the husband is the one sobbing, "It's way too big."

Sign Of The Times