Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200 Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

A guy visits his doctor. He walks in with a banana stuck in one ear, a carrot in the other and a french fry up his nose.

He says, "Doc, I feel terrible."

The doc says, "You're just not eating right."

Why'd my wife cross the road?
To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.

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The phone rings and Mrs. Johnson answers. A voice breathing heavily on the other end says, "I bet you have a tight asshole with no hair."

She replies, "Yeah, he's watching TV. Who should I say is calling?"

Here's my observation about work and productivity:

It would be a lot easier to be a hard worker if my company didn’t block access to porn sites on the internet.

A woman asks the pharmacist if he carries extra-large condoms. The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy some?"

The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait for the next guy that buys a box?"

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