A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Is Delivery Included?

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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

Nutrition Is So Important

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A guy visits his doctor. He walks in with a banana stuck in one ear, a carrot in the other and a french fry up his nose.

He says, "Doc, I feel terrible."

The doc says, "You're just not eating right."

Not Like The Chicken

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Why'd my wife cross the road?
To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Low IQ

What do you say to a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

"Good morning, Your Honor."

Make A Wish

A guy was fishing when he caught a magical crocodile. The crocodile spoke: "I am a magical crocodile. If you let me go I will grant you any wish you desire."

The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground."

So the crocodile bit his legs off.

Up And Down

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother, too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex, makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”

The little girl looks at mom and says, “Well, mommy you're really wasting your time.” The mother is confused so she asks, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”

The little girl answers, “Because mommy, when you leave for work in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”