Just Plain Funny
Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)
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A guy visits his doctor. He walks in with a banana stuck in one ear, a carrot in the other and a french fry up his nose.
He says, "Doc, I feel terrible."
The doc says, "You're just not eating right."
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Why'd my wife cross the road?
To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.