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Just Plain Funny

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Same Facts, Different Conclusion

Created: 15 August 2017
Hits: 2501

Guy to his friend: "I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes & no clothes to wear."

Friend tells him: "I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."

A Duck Walks Into A Bar... Here We Go Again!

Created: 13 August 2017
Hits: 2288

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender says no, this is a bar not a grocery store." and sends him out.

The next day, the duck returns and again asks, "Got any grapes?" This time the bartender gets real mad and says. "I told you yesterday no grapes. And you're a duck. We don't even serve ducks here. You come in here and bother me one more time and I'll nail your fuckin' web feet to the floor." And with that he throws him out again.

The next day, the duck returns only this time he asks "Got any nails?" Confused, the bartender says "No."

"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"

Let's Pretend

Created: 11 August 2017
Hits: 2032

Sally: "Let's play house."

Little Johnny: "What do I do?"

Sally: "Communicate your feelings."

Johnny: "How do I do that?"

Sally: "Perfect. You can be the husband!"

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

English Class Assignment

The teacher asked the class to use the word indefinitely in a sentence?

Little Johnny raised his hand and said: "When your balls are slapping on the cheeks of her ass, you're in definitely."

Forgive Me For I Have Sinned

A 100-year-old man enters a Catholic confessional and admits "Father, last night I had sex with a couple of 18-year-old girls and it lasted for hours."

The priest sternly replies "That is a sin, I'm going to give you a penance."

The old man laughs "That won't be necessary father, I'm Jewish."

The father, confused, asks "Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm telling everyone!"

Finally Met My Dream Girl

What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.

Darling.

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