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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

No Advice Needed

Created: 10 August 2017
Hits: 2345

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady walked up, saying: "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

Street Accounting

Created: 08 August 2017
Hits: 1989

Little Johnny is always being teased by the neighborhood toughs for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel, causing no amount of snickering and glee among the bullies.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, nice Mr. Johnson pulls him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel is bigger?"

Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd probably stop. Right now I'm up more than twenty bucks on those mooks!"

How To Really Tie One On

Created: 05 August 2017
Hits: 2087

A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry pal, we don't serve strings here."

So the string walks outside, ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back into the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

I thought girls never fart, or poop!

My wife and I were talking about the differences between little boys and little girls. I asked her: "Why don't little girls fart like little boys do?"

She answered: "Because they don't get assholes until they're married."

And that's when the fight started...

A Visit To The Hardware Store

A married couple is remodeling their home and getting new doors so the husband asks his wife to go get hinges. She goes to the hardware store, picks out the hinges, and pays for them. As she is leaving the clerk realizes that she didn't get a screw for the hinge and says "Hey! Do you want a screw for that hinge?"

She looks at him and says "No..,. but I'll blow you for a microwave"

Don't Blow It ... Or Maybe You Should?

Did you hear about the girl who had three chances to get pregnant?

Blew 'em all.

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