Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200 Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

I quit my job at the helium gas factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

We named our daughter after my wife's mother.

Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 next week.

I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.

Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."

Page 59 of 149

What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?

Shoot him again.

10. You're sure to get at least one of your favorite dishes.

9. The turkey never suffers from modesty.

8. You can nibble before dinner even if mom sees you.

7. You are expected to pass the dishes around.

6. There are always at least two kinds of desert, with or without whipped cream.

5. They give you the day off WITH pay to have dinner.

4. Thanksgiving dinner is a "sure" thing.

3. Seconds are encouraged. Take home, too!!

2. You're expected to fall asleep after dinner.

And the number 1 reason why Thanksgiving dinner is better than sex:

1. You are EXPECTED to watch football BEFORE and AFTER dinner.

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him: "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

So he shouts back: "Tits"

Hate To Cop An Attitude, But...