A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Hate To Cop An Attitude, But...

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I quit my job at the helium gas factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

Who Was Your Kid Named After

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We named our daughter after my wife's mother.

Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 next week.

My Favorite Pastime

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I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.

Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

We Have A Runner

Why did the woman cross the road?

Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?

Not A Lifesaver

A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel all types of objects, smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of candy lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine.

"Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped. "I’ll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It’s something your Mommy probably calls your Daddy all the time."

Instantly, Little Johnny spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit ’em out, you guys, they’re assholes!"

Go Both Ways

Old Dick is ambidextrous. Yep! I can swing a bat from both sides of the plate, & jerk off with both hands.