I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.
Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."
I overheard my girlfriend on the phone say to her friend she wants to get engaged on Valentine's Day.
Hope she finds someone nice.
How's a frying pan hanging on the wall like a woman's panties?
You have to get them down before you can put the meat in.
Did you hear about the junkie that was addicted to brake fluid?
He said he could stop anytime.
