I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.
Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Claus wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
What do you get when you cross a hooker with a piranha?
Your last blow job.
How can you tell if you're at a bulemic bachelor party?
The cake jumps out of the girl.
