I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.
Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."
At a party the other night I was asked how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently "In HD" was not the best answer.
My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.
I'm not some kind of stud.
I'm a lazy bastard postman.
Last night, I finally realized a longtime fantasy... I came all over my girlfriend's face.
Man, was she pissed when she woke up.
