Every Frickin' Joke

The Similarities are Striking

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 18 October 2015; Hits: 2460

How are fat chicks like a moped?

They may be fun to ride if you got nothin' better, but you wouldn't want your friends to find out.

The Daily is the Paper I Read

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 18 October 2015; Hits: 3143

I know that newspapers are losing out to the Internet, but think about it... how many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?

Easy! One Post, two Globes, and many Times. And I wouldn't mind a morning and an evening edition. Yeah... I like a woman who's into the hard news.

OK... I'm done.

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 16 October 2015; Hits: 2110

What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

A Matter of Timing

: Category: And that's when the fight started...; Published: 15 October 2015; Hits: 2380

My wife and I were discussing the recent death of a friend. She asked me: "Why do you think men die before their wives?"

I said: "Because they want to."

And that's when the fight started...

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Maybe He Should Go To a Sperm Bank?

How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?

If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

In The Spirit of Giving

The local United Way discovers that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. So a local volunteer calls him and says, "Even though your annual income is well over a million dollars, our research shows you've never made a donation to our organization. Would you like to give back to the community through The United Way?"

The lawyer says, "First, did your research show that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?" The rep says, "No."

The lawyer says, "Second, did your research show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?" The rep says, "No."

The lawyer says, "And finally, did your research show that my sister's husband died in a terrible car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children?" The rep says, "I had no idea."

So the lawyer says: "Think about it. If I wouldn't give to any of them, why the hell would I give to you!"

One Too Many

A guy is sitting at the bar and he's really drunk. His dick is out, he's a monstrous hard-on, and he's beating off like there's no tomorrow.

The bartender says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get outta here."

The guy says, "Are you kiddin'? No way I can leave. If I stood up I couldn't walk. In fact, I'm so drunk, I don't even know who I'm screwin'."