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Up And Down

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 06 October 2015
Hits: 4341

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother, too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex, makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”

The little girl looks at mom and says, “Well, mommy you're really wasting your time.” The mother is confused so she asks, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”

The little girl answers, “Because mommy, when you leave for work in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”

What A Horrible Life

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 05 October 2015
Hits: 3531

Did you ever think what a horrible life a dick has? Think about it... his roommates are nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and every night his owner strangles him with one hand until he throws up!

Easy Pick Up

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 04 October 2015
Hits: 2926

Why are cowgirls like cow pies?

The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

You Do The Math

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 03 October 2015
Hits: 3214

A 54 year old accountant decides to leave his wife, and to rub it in at the same time. So he writes her a letter that reads: Dear Wife, I am 54, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrives at the hotel the front desk clerk hands him a letter that was waiting for him. It read: Dear Husband, I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Surfside Motel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy.You being an accountant can certainly appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Never Drink And Drive

A guy is driving home when a cop pulls him over.
The cop says, "Have you been drinking?"
The guy says, "Yes, I have."
The cop says, "Please step out of the car."
The guy says, "Why? Don't you believe me?"

Bachelor Lifestyle

What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?

Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

Kosher for Passover

A husband sees his wife is getting ready to prepare for Passover. "This year I really want to help out." he tells her, "Whatever you need me to do, ask... I will do it." His wife tells him, "Don't take this the wrong way, but the best thing you can do to help is to leave the house and let me get my work done without any interruptions." So the husband does exactly what she asks and leaves.

Three hours later his wife hears him come back in. She shouts, "I thought I told that the best way to help me would be to leave." He responds, "You expect me to help the whole day?"

And that's when the fight started...

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