Guy walks in to a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says that'll be five bucks.
The guy is outraged. "Five bucks?" he says, "Why down the street the bar only charges a buck. And with every drink you get a lottery ticket to win free sex in the back."
The bartender looks at him and asks: "Did you ever win?" The guy says: "No... but my wife won three times."
A guy in a bar stands up & says, "All lawyers are assholes." Another guy stands up & says "Hey...I resent that..." The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"