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Beggars Can't Be Choosers

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What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

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Put Her In Her Place

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. You already told her twice.

College Rules

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students about the dormitory rules: "The women's dorm will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the men's dorm will be off limits to all female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

One male student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"

The Price of Adventure

A businessman returns from Bangkok. After a few days he notices strange growth on his dick. He sees several doctors and they all tell him: “You've been screwing around over in Thailand. This is very common over there, but there is really no cure. We'll have to cut it off.” The man panics, but figures if it is common in Thailand they must know how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in Bangkok.

The Thai doctor examines him and says, "Looks like you've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?”

The man replies, “Yes a few in the USA.”

The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off."

The man answers, "Yes!"

The doctor smiles and nods, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."