Beggars Can't Be Choosers

What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

The phone rings and Mrs. Johnson answers. A voice breathing heavily on the other end says, "I bet you have a tight asshole with no hair."

She replies, "Yeah, he's watching TV. Who should I say is calling?"

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

What's the best part of gardening?

Getting down and dirty with my hoes.