A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Every Frickin' Joke

My Favorite Pastime

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2784

I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.

Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."

There's No Substitute

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2839

I hate it when a girl tries to offer me a lame consolation prize. 'Cause girls will say things like: "Oh, we're not going to have sex, but I'll give you a hand job."

Hey! Newsflash: I have hands... they have the job... the position is filled... I don't need to outsource the work... alright? If you got a pussy for the job, we can talk -- 'cause I am always hiring.

The Doctor Will See You Now

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2530

The receptionist calls the doctor into the waiting room in a panic: "Doctor, the patient you just treated died on his way out the door. What should I do?"

The doctor says, "Turn him around so it looks like he died on the way in."

Can't Wait To Get There

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 4011

I don't want to brag... but I have an incredible sex drive.

The one fat chick who'll screw me lives 100 miles away!

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Just Doesn't Measure Up

My wife and I were on a road trip and I asked her to help navigate, So of course she couldn't quite figure out how to use the map. Frustrated I asked her, "Why can't women read maps?"

She snapped back, "Because only a man can relate to the concept of 1 inch equals a mile."

And that's when the fight started...

Timing Is Everything

A cop was patrolling the local lover's lane when he drove by a car with a couple inside and the dome light on. It appeared that the young man in the driver’s seat was reading a computer magazine and the young lady was in the back seat knitting. Stopping to investigate the cop knocked on driver’s window. The young man rolled the window down and said, "Yes officer?"

"What are you doing?" the cop asks. "What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I’m reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like?, She's knitting."

"How old are you?" the officer asked the young man. "I’m nineteen." he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer.

The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she’ll be eighteen."

Staying Hard

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?

He changed his mind. Decided to stick it out for one more year!