What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?
A microwave doesn't brown your meat!
How do you know if your wife's dead?
You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.
Got home to find a man in bed with my wife. "Who said you could sleep with my wife?"
He said, "Everybody."
An accordion player and a banjo player are hired to play together on New Year's Eve.
At the end of the party, the guy who hired them says, "You guys were great. You want to play for me again next New Year's Eve?"
The banjo player says, "Sure. Can we leave our stuff?"
