I don't want to brag... but I have an incredible sex drive.
The one fat chick who'll screw me lives 100 miles away!
Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?
Because every time Mrs. Smokey gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
A plane is about to crash. A woman stands up and yells, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Who's going to be man enough to do it?"
A large man stands up and rips his shirt off, "Here! Iron this!"
I took my wife to a restaurant, and the waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah" I told him, "she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started...