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Bring Out The Tape Measure

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 18 September 2016
Hits: 3069

Why are dicks like fish?

You throw the small ones back, you keep the medium ones and you mount the big ones.

Who's Counting

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Published: 17 September 2016
Hits: 2725

My wife was angry. She said: "It's unfair! A guy can screw a different girl every week and he's considered a stud. But if a girl screws even two guys in a year she's called a slut."

So I man-splained it to her: "Think of it this way. If a key opens lots of locks it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys... well... it's a shitty lock."

And that's when the fight started...

 

Let Me Introduce You To

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 16 September 2016
Hits: 2948

What did one whore's knee say to the other?

Nothing... they never met.

Deductive Reasoning

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 15 September 2016
Hits: 3446

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping. As they look up into the sky, Holmes asks, "Watson, tell me what you see."

Watson says, "I see millions of stars." Holmes then asks, "And what does that tell you?" Watson thinks for a minute then says, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes answers, "It tells me somebody stole our fucking tent."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

One Day in a Meadow

One day a horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow when the horse falls into a mudhole and begins sinking. He calls to the chicken to go get the farmer to pull him out. The chicken runs back to the farm but the farmer is nowhere to be seen. So thinking fast the chicken jumps in the farmer's Porsche and drives back to the mudhole. He ties a rope around the bumper then throws the other end to his friend, the horse. Driving the car forward he saves his friend from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again, only this time it's the chicken who falls into the mudhole. The chicken yells to the horse to go get the farmer for help. The horse says, "Wait a minute. I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretches himself over the width of the hole and says, "Grab my dick and hoist yourself up." And the chicken does excatly that and is able to pull himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks!

 

Grandma Loves Playing the Slots

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

Bingo night.

Definition Of Confidence

What is the definition of confidence?

When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"

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