Bring Out The Tape Measure

Why are dicks like fish?

You throw the small ones back, you keep the medium ones and you mount the big ones.

I asked my wife: "Where do you want to go for our anniversary, honey?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested: "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started...

What's the best thing about a blow job?

Ten minutes of silence!

Why do blondes wear underwear?

To keep their ankles warm.