Bring Out The Tape Measure

Why are dicks like fish?

You throw the small ones back, you keep the medium ones and you mount the big ones.

Two gay guys live together. The first guy says, "Let's play hide and seek. I'll hide, and if you can find me, I'll blow you."

The second guy asks, "What if I can't find you?"

His roomy tells him, "I'll be behind the piano."

What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?

Snowballs.

My wife is constantly complaining that I don't listen to her...

...or something like that.