Every Frickin' Joke

Mother-In-Law's Gift

: Category: And that's when the fight started...; Published: 04 October 2014; Hits: 2954

Last year, I bought my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

This year I didn't buy her anything..

When my wife asked me why I didn't buy her mother a gift this year I told her "Hey, she never used the gift I bought her last year!"

And that's when the fight started...

Women Are A Mystery

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 03 October 2014; Hits: 3315

Why can't a woman ever be satisfied?

Because no man has a dick made out of chocolate that shoots money.

Happy Anniversary

: Category: And that's when the fight started...; Published: 02 October 2014; Hits: 3086

I asked my wife: "Where do you want to go for our anniversary, honey?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested: "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started...

Cop Pulls A Guy Over

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 01 October 2014; Hits: 3980

A cop pulls a guy over and says, "Hey pal... did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"

"Thank God... I thought I went deaf."

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Do You Speak English?

A guy is screwing his girl friend in the park one night and they get caught by the local cop. A homeless guy who was living in the bushes was the only witness. On the day in court the couple plead not guilty so the bum has to testify. When asked what he saw he tells the judge: "They was fuckin'!"

The judge quickly admonishes him: "Sir, we don't like to use that kind of foul language in court. Try to describe what you saw in a nicer way or I will have to hold you in contempt!" The homeless guys tries again: "But your honor, they WAS fuckin'!"

"That's disrespect and contempt" said the judge and sentences him to two days in jail! Two days later he calls the homeless man back to the stand and oncee again asks: "What did you see this couple doing on the night in question?" The homeless guy repeats his statement: "I already told you, your Honor, they was fuckin'."

The judge slams down his gavel: "There's that WORD again. Now you get three days in jail!" And the poor guy is dragged off one more time. Three days pass and the homeless guy is back in front of the judge. "I'm going to give you just one more chance. Tell me what those two were doing that night! And do it without any more foul language!"

The bum thinks about it for a minute and finally says: "Your Honor, his pants were below his knees, his ass was flyin' in the breeze, his you-know-what was you-know-where, and if that ain't fuckin' you can gimme the chair."

Nice Package

What's a pussy?

The box a dick comes in.

Did you see that one coming?

Even After You're Dead...

How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?

The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.