Every Frickin' Joke

What's On TV?

: Category: And that's when the fight started...; Published: 08 October 2014; Hits: 2833

Wife walks into the den & asks: "What's on the TV?"

I told her "Dust!"

And that's when the fight started...

A Guy At The Bar

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 07 October 2014; Hits: 3877

A guy at the bar orders two drinks. He downs one, then pours the other on his left hand.

The bartender asks: "Hey mister... what're you doin'?" "

"Getting my date drunk."

Researchers Have Discovered

: Category: Dick Jokes; Published: 06 October 2014; Hits: 3215

Researchers have determined that 99% of all men jerk off in the shower and the other 1% sing.

Do you know what they sing?

I didn't think you did.

Old Guy Visits the Doctor

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 05 October 2014; Hits: 3908

Old guy says: "Doc, every morning at 7 I take a healthy piss, and then at 8 I take a big shit."

"So... what's the problem?"

"I don't get up until 9."

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What To Do When The Car Is At The Mechanic

It's a really hot day, and a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer to sit and eat his ice cream. An hour goes by when the penguin looks at his watch, jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic.

With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, I was just eating ice cream."

Switcheroo

A man went into a local bar and took a seat next to a pretty woman. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I’m celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman, "I’m celebrating, too". She clinked glasses with him and asked, "What are you celebrating?" "I’m a chicken farmer," he replied. "For years all my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally fertile." "What a coincidence" the woman said. "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years. Today, my gynecologist told me I’m finally pregnant!" And she clinked glasses with the farmer again.

"By the way" she asked, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched cocks," the farmer replied.

To which the woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."

How It Really Happened

An 80-year-old man was having his annual physical when his doctor asked him how he was feeling. "Doc," he bragged, I’ve never been better! I've got plenty of dough for retirement and I’ve got a 20-year-old bride who’s pregnant and having my baby! Pretty good, right?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So there he was in the woods, when suddenly a grizzly bear appeared right in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?"

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead right there on the spot." "That’s impossible!" the old guy argued. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That’s exactly what I’m getting at..." replied the doctor.