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Cop Pulls A Guy Over

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A cop pulls a guy over and says, "Hey pal... did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"

"Thank God... I thought I went deaf."

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Until I Met A Boy Who Had No Hands

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves! 

Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.

See What I Mean?

Why was the nearsighted fly starving?

He couldn't see shit.

Pinocchio's Complaint

Pinnochio tells his Dad that whenever he has sex with a girl, she complains about the splinters. His father gives him a piece of sand paper and tells him to rub his dick with it before sex and it should solve the problem.

A few days later, his father asks: "How are things going with the girls?" Pinocchio tells him: "Girls... who needs girls?"