Why can't a woman ever be satisfied?
Because no man has a dick made out of chocolate that shoots money.
Guy tells his buddy: "I think I've become di-sexual."
Friend asks: "Di-sexual? What the hell is that?"
Guy says: "If I don't get me some pussy pretty soon... I'm gonna kill myself."
Guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks: "What'll you have buddy?" The guys says: "Surprise me."
So the bartender pulls out a naked picture of the guy's wife!
What is the difference between a phillip and a flathead?
Easy! I can't flathead her ass with my dick.