A guy visiting his old friend for dinner one evening was very impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married nearly 50 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the guest leaned over to his host and commented: "I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head and sighed: "I have to tell you the truth. Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared shit to ask the old bitch what it is..."
A big, fat farmer is walking down a dirt road in the rain with his big, fat wife when he suddenly gets horny. He pulls his wife down to the ground, lifts up her dress, and starts fucking her.
After a minute, he says, "Elsie, is it in you, or is it in the mud?" She says, "It's in the mud."
He reaches down, and fiddles around a bit. Then he says, "Now is it in you, or is it in the mud?" She says, "It's in me."
