How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
Teacher to the class: "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
So Little Johnny raises his hand: "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher said looked puzzled but answered: "Of course not Johnny."
To which Little Johnny answered: "Then I have definitely crapped my pants."
What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
You can eat your Mom's apple pie.
My wife asked me to get her a watch for her birthday.
I told her, "What for...there's a clock on the stove!"
And that's when the fight started...
