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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Better Than Nothing

Hits: 2777

Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?

There's not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning.

A Dead Man!

Hits: 3584

After 20 years of marriage, I still get blow jobs.

If my wife finds out, she'll fucking kill me.

Doggie Style

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A guy, seeing two dogs going at it on the lawn says to his buddy, "You and your wife ever do it like that?"

"Only once" says his friend. "And it took 5 drinks to get her out in the yard."

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Easy To Figure Out

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

Notes From My Course In Business School

Here is all you need to know about marketing:

You spot a hot chick at a party. You go up to her and say, "I’m fantastic in bed." That’s called Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and you spot a hot chick. Have one of your buddies go up to her, point over to you and say, "He’s fantastic in bed." That’s called Advertising.

You spot a hot chick at a party. You get her phone number, call her up the next day and say, "Hi, I’m fantastic in bed." We'll call that Telemarketing.

You’re at a party when you spot a hot chick. You get up, straighten your tie, walk over to her and bring her a drink. You compliment her on how she's dressed. Be sure to open the door for her, pick up her purse if she drops it and even offer her a ride later. Then you say to her, "By the way, I’m fantastic in bed." You got it - Public Relations.

Finally, you’re at a party and spot a hot chick. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you’re fantastic in bed." Now that’s Brand Recognition.

Done to Perfection

Why does it hurt so much to fuck a chef?

He'll stick a fork in you to see if you're done.