Better Than Nothing

Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?

There's not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning.

When I die, I want to go like my Grandfather...in his sleep.

Not screaming like the other passengers in his car.

Cop pulls a guy over at 3am: "Where you going at this hour?"

Guy says: "To a lecture on alcohol abuse, its effect on the human body. And the dangers of smoking & staying out late."

"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

"My wife."

Here at Dick Joke of the Day we are thinking about selling our own brand of T-Shirts.

They'll read: "LIFE'S A DICK. WHEN IT GETS HARD, FUCK IT!"