After 20 years of marriage, I still get blow jobs.
If my wife finds out, she'll fucking kill me.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "Why the long face?"
I used to get a hard-on just watching my wife eat a banana.
Now I only get a hard-on if she's choking on it.
I woke up this morning with a text that seemed to have been sent to me by accident. It read,
"Hi... be home soon. Love ya, Dave xxx"
Being Valentine's Day I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I texted the guy back:
"Don't bother, I don't love you. You're a son of a bitch and I've been banging your brother."
I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came:
"You OK mom?"
