After 20 years of marriage, I still get blow jobs.
If my wife finds out, she'll fucking kill me.
What is the difference between a New York City taxi and an elephant?
The elephant has the trunk in the front and the asshole in the back.
Your wife & your lawyer are drowning, so you have to choose. What do you do: go to lunch or catch a movie?
My wife tried to goad me, "Our next door neighbor tells me her husband can make love to her 3X a day. Why can't you do that?"
I told her, "Because she always says, 'No, we might get caught.' "
And that's when the fight started...
