Dick Jokes
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Shirley was sitting on a beach in Florida, trying to strike up a conversation with the attractive guy reading his book on the blanket next to her.
"Hi" she said. "Do you like movies?" "Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
Shirley persisted, "Do you like gardening?" The man looked up again. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Shirley asked, "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Shirley, pulled her bottoms off, and proceeded to pound her right there on the beach. As the cloud of sand began to settle, Shirley dragged herself upright and panted, "Wow... how did you know that was what I wanted?"
The guy thought a bit and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Little Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"
Litle Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Little Johnny tells her, "Because the shot scared them all off."
The teacher says, "No, the answer is two, but I like how you're thinking."
So Little Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."
Little Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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Duck walks into a whorehouse, asks the madame: "If I pick out 1 of your whores will you put it on my bill?"