Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke

High art... from a low place.

: Created: 10 July 2015; Hits: 3164

If my son farts or has his hands down his pants, my wife smiles and says, “Like father, like son!”

Yesterday we caught him screwing the neighbor, but for some reason it wasn’t so funny when I said it.

: Created: 09 July 2015; Hits: 3425

My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do.

Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

: Created: 08 July 2015; Hits: 3693

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."

The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."

"I know how to fuck him, mom," the daughter interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna."

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Low IQ

What do you say to a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

"Good morning, Your Honor."

Things Aren't Always What They Appear To Be

The 10th grade biology teacher asked Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?" Jessica responded: "I'm too embarrassed to answer!"

So the teacher asked Little Johnny who quickly said: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye." "That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"

And then turning back to Jessica, the teacher said: "I have three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"

Been There Done That

A guy asks his drinkin' buddy if he had any suggestions on how to spice up a dull marriage. His buddy tells him "Well, you can always have an affair."

"I can't possibly do that! I would never cheat on her." he replies. So his buddy tells him "Look, if you convince her to let you do it, it won't be cheating." The guy thinks sure, that could work. And so he heads home, and finding his wife in the perfect mood, he springs the idea on her that maybe a new partner would add some excitement.

"Honey," his wife says, "that won't help our marriage. Believe me, I already tried it."