Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke

High art... from a low place.

: Created: 10 July 2015; Hits: 3061

If my son farts or has his hands down his pants, my wife smiles and says, “Like father, like son!”

Yesterday we caught him screwing the neighbor, but for some reason it wasn’t so funny when I said it.

: Created: 09 July 2015; Hits: 3250

My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do.

Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

: Created: 08 July 2015; Hits: 3534

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."

The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."

"I know how to fuck him, mom," the daughter interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna."

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Was Never So Good At Math...

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

(uhhhh....Yeah, I have the same feeling you are having! :-O)

Shocked For The Wrong Reason

Preparing the body of old man Johnson, a mortician finds the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry" he says out loud, "But I can't send you off to be cremated and lose forever such a rare and enormous dick like yours. It has to be preserved for posterity."

So the mortician carefully removes the giant organ, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he's excited to show the rare sight to his wife. "Look here honey, I have something to show you that will shock you." he tells her as he removes the jar from his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screams, "Johnson's dead!"

Normal Reaction

I love a massage. But the other day they sent in a man, which for me is a little weird... know what I mean?

Anyway, at one point I finally had to ask, 'Is it normal to get an erection?' He says, 'Sure.' So I told him, "OK fine, but can you get it out of my face?"