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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Let's Think About Sex

Hits: 2998

What do women think about during sex? That depends...

The prostitute thinks: "That's all."

The nymphomaniac thinks: "That's all?"

The housewife thinks: "Beige...yes, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

We're Not Crazy ... Yet!

Hits: 3298

What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?

If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!

Scratch 'n Sniff

Hits: 3402

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

They don't have balls to scratch.

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Be Nice Or You Won't Get Any

Little Johnny's walking along with his father when he sees a butterfly. He grabs it, throws it on the ground,and stomps on it. His father says, "Son, that was unnecessary violence. You may not have any butter for a month."

They walk a little further and Little Johnny sees a honey bee. He grabs it, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it. His father says, "Once again, son, unnecessary violence. You may not have any honey for a month."

That night, Little Johnny's having dinner with his mom and dad when a cockroach goes running across the table. His mother knocks it off the table and stomps on it. Little Johnny looks at his dad and says, "Well, Pop, are you gonna tell her, or should I?"

Kosher for Passover

A husband sees his wife is getting ready to prepare for Passover. "This year I really want to help out." he tells her, "Whatever you need me to do, ask... I will do it." His wife tells him, "Don't take this the wrong way, but the best thing you can do to help is to leave the house and let me get my work done without any interruptions." So the husband does exactly what she asks and leaves.

Three hours later his wife hears him come back in. She shouts, "I thought I told that the best way to help me would be to leave." He responds, "You expect me to help the whole day?"

And that's when the fight started...

New Business

Here at Dick Joke of the Day we are thinking about selling our own brand of T-Shirts.

They'll read: "LIFE'S A DICK. WHEN IT GETS HARD, FUCK IT!"