Doggie Style

A guy, seeing two dogs going at it on the lawn says to his buddy, "You and your wife ever do it like that?"

"Only once" says his friend. "And it took 5 drinks to get her out in the yard."

When do you know you've been married too long?

The only reason you go down on it is because it doesn't talk back.

Here's my observation about work and productivity:

It would be a lot easier to be a hard worker if my company didn’t block access to porn sites on the internet.

Easy, inexpensive way to get rid of weeds: Put 2 cups of Epsom salt and a 1/4 cup of dish soap in a gallon of vinegar. Shake well.

Then tell your family you're going to mix it in their food if they don't get off their lazy asses and go outside and yank up the goddamned crabgrass.