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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

It's Kind Of Like Dollar Pizza

Hits: 2952

How's pussy like pizza?

The worst you'll ever have won't be all that bad.

No Greater Feeling

Hits: 3118

Why is being in the military like a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

It's Gonna Be A Good Year

Hits: 3097

What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

One's a Goodyear and the other is a fucking good year.

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Until I Met A Boy Who Had No Hands

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves! 

Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.

The Spoils Of War

An elderly Italian man went to his parish priest to make confession. He told the priest, "Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess." said the priest.

"It's worse, Father. I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with sex" continued the old man. The priest thought for a moment then told him, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you both would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found you were hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the bad, and judge you kindly."

"Thanks, Father." said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Say, can I ask one more question?" "Certainly, my son." said the priest. The old man asked him, "Do I need to tell her the war's over?"

Vegetable Logic

How's broccoli like anal sex?

If it was forced on you as a kid, you probably won't enjoy it as an adult.